Pull up your damn pants

Fabulous. Dallas is now contemplating litigation against the more-than-a-decade-old fashion trend of wearing saggy pants. Discounting the influence of my father, who pioneered "extreme plumber's crack" all the way back in the middle 1960s, this admittedly lame and objectionable mode of jeans-wearing originates from the penitentiary and regulations preventing incarcerated Americans from wearing belts, both to minimize suicides and because belts are, duh, a potential weapon. So the city of Dallas, in considering criminalizing low-pants-wearing, is bringing things full circle. Those poor inner-city unfortunates amongst us who have such dim prospects ahead of them that the most optimistic they can be is to idealize and mimic the thug lifestyle of their imprisoned contemporaries now face incarceration merely for aping the sartorial style of their role-models "upstate." No need to commit a crime--we'll gladly send you away just on the basis of your self-identifying as a thug! Expect the Dallas police force to shortly hold a press conference opposing this legislation on the grounds that malefactors with their pants belted around their knees can't run very fast.