It's time once again for our regular feature

When things are slow here at antarcticiana we like to fill the rare gaps between thrills by presenting for your delectation real life honest-to-God Google searches that helped new and lucky readers to land on these pages. What do we mean? (Many people have expressed confusion about how this works).

To be clear, what we mean is that at some point someone, somewhere, typed each of these search strings into their Google search box. We can't imagine what they were looking for, but what they found was us: Antarcticiana, this webblog, was in every case among the top ten resulting searches, and they then clicked on the Google link to these pages that they found before them. Had they not clicked, they would not have visited, and we would never have known of them. However, in clicking and arriving here, they activated our internet surveillance software, provided by Statcounter, telling us which page they came to us from, along with other useless information like their IP address and vague location. (If you feel threatened or invaded by this, you should know that almost all websites collect such information, and more, each and every time you visit, and most of them know what to do with it rather better than we do.)

As has been the case in our more recent installments of these lists, we like to think of the whole, made up in this case of twelve distinct searches, as a sort of free-associative poem. Like all poems, it should be read out loud, perhaps to a loved one, in order to best appreciate the unexpected linkages between these seemingly random, disparate quests for information. (For those who are new to this and can't get enough of the hilarity, previous examples of this exciting literary experiment are to be found here, here, here and here.)

key elements of a german beer garden

big piles of rocks

cosy french writers

edvard munch primates

"bursting bladder"torment

retching over the side

rod stewart whirling helicopter blades

buy brazilian island 40 room mansion helipad

is super glue gel allowed in carry on bag

why is my finch twitching

frivolous whistling duck

red butts of china's tower of cheese


...