Pass the nuts

Finally the major media is picking up on this very important story:

Under the headline Der Pistazienkrieg, which sounds even more ominous in the German than my Pistachio War, yesterday's Sueddeutsche Zeitung follows antarcticiana's lead in pointing out that America's beef with Iran is about much more than Persian nuclear ambition. In gracious, european fashion the paper gives credit where credit is due:

So berichtet der Reiseschriftsteller Richard Fleming in seinem Blog von einem Vergleich im New Yorker Delikatessgeschäft Sahadi’s, dass kalifornische Pistazien zwar formschöner, jedoch sehr mehlig seien, und mit den schrumpeligen, doch würzigen Pendants aus Iran nicht mithalten können Laut der israelischen Zeitung Jediot Achronot deckt sich das mit dem Urteil der israelischen Konsumenten.

At least I think this final paragraph of the article includes a credit; I have no idea what it says. However, a brief trip to babelfish suggests not only that I have now made myself internationally famous for slagging off the inferior flavor of Californian pistachios as compared with those produced by the axis of evil, but also that online translation has a long way to go:

Thus the travel writer Richard Fleming in its Blog reports of a comparison in New Yorker delicate business the Sahadi's the fact that California Pistazien is very mehlig graceful designed, however, and with the schrumpeligen but spicy counterparts from Iran cannot keep up sound of the Israeli newspaper Jediot Achronot covers itself with the judgement of the Israeli consumers.

Perhaps my German readers can bring clarity to this muddy controversy.

Sueddeutsche, by the way, doesn't draw the line at handing out credits. In an admirable spirit of integrity and transparency they are also sharing their ongoing research into this developing crisis.

The Coming Pistachio War

At the airport en route to Fes, Morocco I grabbed up a copy of my favorite local rag, Jeune Afrique, which is a sort of alternate reality African version of the Economist, still carrying a torch for the deceased, assassinated, corrupted and otherwise retired liberators of colonial Africa, from Kenyatta and Lumumba right through to Mugabe, who appears on the most recent cover complete with his Hitler mustache, above the headline "Should Mugabe be defended?" (Thank the good gracious Lord that even Jeune Afrique suggests that he cannot be, but boy do they tread gently down the path leading to this inevitable conclusion.)

Amongst other delightful stories is the delicious, facetious conspiracy theory that the United States wants to bring down Iran not because of its alleged nuclear warmaking ambitions, nor even because of its oppressive totalitarian ayatollahs, but rather to end Iran's domination of the international pistachio trade. Iran is the world's top producer, furnishing most of the middle east, including sworn enemies like Israel, with this very best of the world's salted nuts. They also furnish Sahadi's, on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn. California is number two. At Sahadi's, the domestic pistachios, although much cheaper, are spurned by nut sophisticates.

At risk of being denounced as a terrorist, both my journalistic integrity and refined palate demand that I recognize the Iranian product as superior to the Californian, which, although plumper and more uniform in size and shape, is but a bland and mushy bean when compared with the nutty toothsomeness of its wrinkled, salty and irregular Persian cousin.

Notwithstanding, and according to Jeune Afrique, Stewart Tuttle, spokesperson for the US embassy in Tel Aviv, a proud native of the Golden State, decried the local consumption of Iran's pistachios, which arrive in Israel via the back door of Turkey, saying "I think Israel should be consuming American pistachios and not Iranian ones."

UPDATE: The only other major media running this story, besides me and JA, appears to be Haaretz, the Israeli broadsheet that rarely finds much common ground with Jeune Afrique. Their pistachio coverage, picked up off the AP wire, is here. Those who might blame me for plagiarizing will have to take my word for it that it is purely coincidental that both my and this account use the Tuttle quote as a closer.

UPDATE: Interesting case study HERE.