The Founder of our Nation: Bob-George Washingabe

Our Harare correspondent writes to warn us that, thanks to the ongoing downward spiral in the value of the Zimbabwe dollar, evil and mischievous counterfeiters have recently turned to exploiting the miraculously-still-more-valuable American original. Said counterfeiters, however, are after all in the employ of the government, and therefore are obliged to do their all to perpetuate Bob Mugabe's waning cult of personality. The result is a United States greenback that many experts will easily identify as bogus:


FW: PLEASE NOTE - FAKE USD NOTES IN CIRCULATION!

The Reptilian Series

Antarcticiana's Zimbabwe correspondent is safely back in Harare after a hair-raising and homesickness-inspiring vacation abroad on various continents. The farcical business of life in the late Mugabe period continues, a total systemic collapse best illustrated, as usual, by the government's continued insistence on printing money faster than it can obtain paper. Soon, furthermore, there won't be enough room left on a standard bill for all the zeroes.

Only a few weeks ago the complete collection of Zimbabwean billion-dollar bills landed on my desk. Imagine our reporter's consternation and amazement (minimal, actually) to discover upon returning to the former breadbasket of Africa that the printing presses were already deep into the trillions. The latest currency report from the front lines of hyperinflation:

We now have the trillion series, The 10, 20, 50, and 100 trillion dollar notes. The trillions were basically printed to pay the military. The notes never made it into the bank and the soldiers were paid in barracks so they didn't have to stand in a queue or be seen to be taking over any queues. Later that day they were seen trying to convert their trillions into US$.

On the day the trillions were introduced, 16th January, the rate was 600 Billion Zim to US $1. 4 days later, on 21st January, the rate is 25 Trillion to US $1. The general public is still waiting to see the trillions in circulation. I have obtained one 10 Trillion dollar note, and when the others are worth nothing I will be able to buy them for $1 each. Notice the shortage of ink color choice. [These colors are identical to the billion-dollar notes and have the same "pile of rocks" graphic, ed.] Luckily there is no confusion as no one really accepts Zim dollars anyway. The problem now is how to pay military and civil servants next month. Coupons and South African Rand are being talked about.

If you add 13 zeroes to 100 trillion you get a reptilian.



Meanwhile, functionaries have announced that passports will only be issued on an emergency basis, at a cost of $650 (US). The Harare Tribune reports that "an official at the passport office said the suspension in issuing of ordinary passports was due to shortage of material needed to make passports. 'There is no paper to print passports so we can only entertain emergency cases which give us foreign currency. The only way to give everyone passports would be to charge a flat fee in forex [hard currency], but that would embarass the government,' he said."

And what would embarrass this government, as my grandpappy used to say, would shame a hog to death.

Highest price ever paid for a book!

A high-net-worth individual has paid the most elevated price ever recorded for a book, an archaic analog media delivery device consisting of a number of sheets of paper printed with words loosely organized around a particular topic, then bound together with glue, between boards. The private collector, a resident of Africa who chooses to remain anonymous, handed over the staggering sum of one hundred and eighty billion dollars for an autographed example of Walking to Guantánamo, the chronicle of Richard Fleming's long schlep across the island of Cuba. Asked to comment on the motivations behind this extraordinary purchase, the proud owner of the volume, replying through a spokesperson, said only that "it was sold out again on Amazon, and what's more, nobody will ship to Harare anyway."

How I'm Rollin'...
With all the billions.

A special offer, from our elite "collectioneur series"

Our exclusive images of these particular Zimbabwean "Special Agro-Cheques" (so named just in case anyone was suffering under the delusion that they are actual currency, backed by gold or even just the good will of some fictive, notional, national reserve) come to us courtesy of our fearless correspondent in Harare. As I predicted, they have arrived only just in time to be made (even more) worthless, by government fiat. Today the Ministry of Overworked Printers, as we are now referring to the financial arm of the government, apparently concluded that to spiral upwards into the hundreds of billions was taking their giddy affair just a bit too far.

The new $10 bill, or is it a "1"? I can't keep it straight. The government this morning decreed that life would be simpler and more wholesome for everyone if they were simply to lop a dozen or so zeros (noughts) off the end.

A mind-f#*k of a cash day, notes our correspondent. The rate is now 12.5 as opposed to 125 billions (Zim dollar to US dollar). We can still use the billions, sorry, $1 note, until the end of December. New currency not available, and there is still a shortage of the good old billions. They should have just removed the first three digits and dealt in noughts.

Nothing in the shops. Shopping means driving to obscure addresses and seeing what people have stored in their garages. Beer from one, fish from another, and twenty liters of fuel to get around. Stella Artois and fish for supper. Crisis, what crisis? Last night's Chinese food was a trillion, or $15 US.

Just off to trade eggs for sugar. Catch up later.

Rounding out the collection, the balance of the defunct billions.

eBay singlehandedly rescues Zimbabwean economy from the doldrums

The Zimbabwean 100 Billion Dollar Bill, with a current street value in Harare of somewhere between five and fifteen US cents, is so hard to come by that they are going for up to $100 US on eBay. That kind of action could reverse the tide of hyperinflation.

And I thought the US dollar was weak... UPDATED

the one cent, through to the fifty thousand

and from the five hundred thousand to the fifty million...

Seeing this story about the new 100 billion dollar bill reminded me that our Zimbabwe correspondent, at my special request, sent some photos not too long ago to illustrate the astonishing explosion of numerals plaguing the Zim dollar. Although we are proud that our correspondent has maintained a complete collection of all the banknotes issued throughout the course of Zimbabwe's ongoing hyperinflation, things have been a bit hectic over here at antarcticiana and we never quite got around to running them.

you do the math... and have a close look at the expiry dates

By the time some corrupt functionary admits there is a problem and the determination is made to authorize the printing of yet another round of silly-sounding monopolyesque tissue paper denominated in the multi-millions, the new, ballyhooed note is more than likely already close to worthless. The fifty-million dollar bill pictured here was the biggest available in April. Now it's July and one-hundred billion dollars aren't enough for bus fare. One Hundred Billion Dollars! Why, a normal country could wage war against Iraq for several months, fueling their entire military-industrial complex, with that kind of money! Coming soon, the "one to the nth power" note, with a blank space for the user to fill in the exponent of his or her choice.

Photo credits withheld pending the reestablishment of Zimbabwean democracy

UPDATE: In the latest twist on this farce, renewed sanctions against the government by European powers in the wake of the recent, flagrant, election-theft in Zimbabwe have cut off all exports of bank-note paper. The Guardian has the story. The result is that the government, despite desperately printing money (almost) as fast as they can spend it, has nonetheless run out of currency, and cannot pay the security apparatus that is propping up the regime.

One delicious detail in the story is that the former provider of the watermarked paper is none other than the German firm, Giesecke & Devrient, which both printed Germany's money during the Weimar Republic hyperinflation between the two great wars, and supplied Rhodesia's white regime with their currency. As one might imagine, they have only cut off supplies to Zimbabwe in response to pressure brought by their own government.

Obviously, it is time for the ministry of finance to get serious about recycling the countless sheaves of worthless notes issued over the last couple of years, except that by the time they collect, bleach, and reprint a one dollar bill as a one-hundred billion dollar bill they will have spent far more than the final product is worth. As of this morning, when the Guardian went to press, the Zim 100 Billion was worth about fifteen US cents. I imagine it is worth rather less by now.

A Very Wet New Year

As the illusory "value" in the stock market swirls clockwise down the proverbial toilet our Zimbabwe correspondent writes in to put life in perspective, noting that "we reckon the global crunch will easily be absorbed by Zimbabwe without a flicker."

Our conversation ended when the electricity in Harare was unexpectedly turned on: "great excitement I have electricity so must rush and do stuff!! I think it is called the Stockholm Syndrome when you are so grateful to your kidnapper for letting you have electricity for a nano-second."

The IMF, not usually quoted here, estimates that inflation in Zimbabwe is now running at 150,000% per annum.

Well its been a helluva year already. Just recovering from tick bite fever I got over Christmas on holiday in the lowveld. A fabulous cheap lodge on the Save overlooking a lush green Gona Rhe Zhou that we couldnt get to due to the rising waters. It has been the mother of all rainy seasons with Mozambique awash with the Zambezi waters. And all the crops now collapsing in the fields. I woke to the mother of all headaches and couldnt move which I felt was a bit much for flu. Anyway the great black festering hole in my stomach is slowly going but the fever still lingers.

The Save River in Flood

Two Elephants were swept away in the flooding


We now have the 10 million dollar bill. That would be 10 trillion if you put the zeros [removed in the course of devaluation] back on again. So we now have the reintroduced 200,000, the 250,000, 500,000, 750,000 and the 5 million and 10 million. All looking rather similar and in short supply so endles queues of people waiting to get their money out the bank. The governor of the reserve bank blames the banks for not getting to the reserve bank fast enough to take out the cash. I have yet to get a note higher than the 750,000. [currently worth about twenty cents at the street market exchange rate].

Impassable road in the lowveld (All Photos: Mafushwa)

Anyway I now have a headache again, more malaise than tick I expect. Probably because of the bank queues and empty shelves.

Which country are you in?




...

From our Zimbabwe correspondent...

Our good buddy in Harare, whose fortitude in the face of chaos and mayhem continues to boggle this western mind, sent the following. Things are, staggeringly, even worse than they were last time we had an update.

F#*K, its beginning to get me down. Inflation at 7,000% but with the added joy of price controls which means even if you did have the cash there's nothing to buy. No meat, chicken, eggs, milk, bread, fuel....and no beer! Each morning starts with a hunting gathering expedition. Join a milk queue then become overjoyed when someone finds you bread. Utter misery for the average civil servant who once had a standard of living. Most people die at home as the hospitals turn them away as they have no medicine, or broken facilities. God forbid you should be on ARV's. Shortages on state roll out and millions required to purchase at the pharmacy. But luckily luxury lodges going up on the Zambezi and the rich just get richer. But I can still get a cappuccino and go to the Zimbabwe International film festival. Avoiding the Chinese and Iran propaganda entries. (That's all for now,) am off to another bread queue with riot police....